Mihoyo doesn’t know what a Pork Chop is | Northen Apple Stew Recipe

Something that’s been bothering me in the game Genshin Impact is that the dish “Northern Apple Stew” looks like this: 

Not that many people will be bothered by this but… that clearly looks more like a pork chop than a stew. 

It’s missing the braising sauce that would come with stews, and being served with an unproportionate amount of side vegetables just seems to ruin what makes a stew a stew. Well, it’s probably just a very small mistake in the game, but I immediately thought of the legendary grilled cheese rant and wrote a parody of it for this. 

A stew is cooked like this. Meat. Vegetables. Cooked slowly in liquid in a pot. This picture for Northern Apple Stew is clearly a pork chop, which is not served with any of the sauce that has collected the flavours of all the braising ingredients. It is also not served with a bland starch like mashed potatoes or rice to absorb the flavours. The fact that this is called a “stew” is nothing short of utter blasphemy. 

Let me start out by saying I have nothing against pork chops, I just hate their association with pork dishes that are not stews. Making a sauce after you cook the pork chops? It’s called a pork chop with sauce. Totally different.

Want to add grilled asparagus and some pretentious caramelised onions with sliced apples for textural contrast? I don’t know what the hell you’d call that but it’s not a stew. I would be more than willing to wager I’ve eaten more stews in my 21 years than any of you in your entire lives.

I have one almost everyday and sometimes more than just one pot of stew. Want to personalise your stew? Use a mix of different cuts of meat or change the braising ingredients. But if you want to add some apples for garnish and take a picture of it, make another dish and title it “pork chop” because that is not a fucking stew.

I’m not a religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland Asian male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to stews and soups. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our stews and stop associating your pork chops with them.

Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking after 3 years and made this video for the sole purpose of complaining. I’ve seen video after video of people’s Northern Apple Stews and it’s been driving me insane. The moment I saw this blog post this morning I finally snapped. Hell, I may even start my own blog just because I know this one exists now.

You god damn heretics. Respect the stew and stop changing it into whatever you like and love it for what it is. Or make your damn pork chop and call it for what it is. A pork chop.

Hmm. That was more funny in my head than having written it out and recorded the audio for it. 

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Northern Apple Stew

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Servings 4

Ingredients

  

• 600 g Pork Shoulder or other suitable cut, cut into "chops" shape
• 1/2 onion chopped
• 1 Tbsp white wine vinegar apple cider vinegar would be better
• Juice of 1 apple or 1/4 cup apple cider
• 1 Tbsp Mustard Dijon preferred
• 100 ml heavy cream
• Chicken Broth As needed to cover the stew
• 1 carrot sliced
• 1 tsp dried sage fresh herbs are better
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• 1 tsp dried rosemary
• 1 dried bay leaf

Garnish

• 1 Apple sliced
• 1/4 onion Sliced and sauted in butter
• 6 sticks Asaparagus sauted in butter
• 2 Potatoes boiled in water and mashed without seasonings
• bunch of parsley

Instructions

 

• Season both sides of the pork shoulder with salt. Sear them in a pot on high heat until golden brown and fond (browns bits on bottom) forms.
  
• Remove the meat and add in half a chopped onion. Cook this for a few minutes until slightly softened. (I had to add water at this step because my fond was close to burning.)
  
• Add 1 Tbsp of apple cider vinegar (I used white wine vinegar as substitute), juice of 1 apple (or 1/4 cup apple cider), 1 tbsp Mustard (Dijon preferred). Mix and make sure the fond and mustard is well dissolved into the sauce.
  
• Add back the meat and any accumulated juices, then add in 100 ml of cream, 1 small bay leaf, 1 tsp each of dried sage, thyme and rosemary, and enough chicken stock to cover the meat.
  
• Mix well and cover. Simmer on low heat.
  
• 1 and a half hour later, the liquid should be reduced to a thick sauce and the meat tender.
  
• Saute asparagus and onions in melted butter for about 5 minutes. I had additional potatoes that I boiled and mashed. Instead of seasoning it with salt, milk and butter, I used the braising sauce.
  
• Serve.